Choosing to create an adoption plan can be an extraordinarily difficult decision; no expectant parent takes her situation lightly.
For many mothers, it can be a deep emotional and philosophical struggle. That’s true even when you understand that adoption is the best choice for your child’s happiness and wellbeing.
Needless to say, the difficult emotions don’t disappear after the adoption has been finalized. The experience is usually accompanied by grief and loss. Many birth moms express feelings of loneliness and shame, which are both painful in their own right and exhausting to experience.
New research, however, suggests that birth mothers in open adoption relationships may tend to reconcile themselves to these emotions. In particular, the painful feelings of loss that many birth mothers feel can be eased by remaining in contact, whatever the degree, with the child.
In an online poll of 223 birth mothers, social work experts at Baylor University found that, when asked to rate her adoption satisfaction, the average mother provided a score of 3.11 out of 5.
That is, of course, not a rousing level of satisfaction, but the study’s other findings point us to a successful adoption model that could raise birth mother satisfaction significantly.
Of the women studied, nearly 70% reported at least some level of periodic contact with their child. These same women, who were in open adoptions, also happened to be more satisfied over time with their adoption decision than women in traditional “closed” adoptions.
“Prior research suggests that for some birth mothers, having contact with the child helps reduce feelings of anxiety about the child’s life and well-being, worries they may be having about the child feeling abandoned, and / or guilt about their decision,” the researchers write. Moreover, a birth mother’s satisfaction tended to decrease when contact with their child ceased for some reason.
At Adoptions From The Heart, we advocate for an “open” model of adoption, one in which birth parents and their children maintain some level of communication and contact even after the adoption has been finalized. We believe open adoption is better for everyone in the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents and children.
Elissa E. Madden and her colleagues at Baylor agree. In fact, the researchers call in their paper for national standards that would inform both expectant parents and prospective adoptive parents of the benefits of “ongoing post-adoption contact.”
Openness comes in many forms and degrees. Some families share photos of their child, while others meet on special occasions in person.
Many families walk into the open adoption process believing that their family, and child, will be split in two, but emerge understanding that their family has only grown in size and love. And with these new findings, we’ve gained more evidence that maintaining some level of openness in an adoption can be beneficial for birth parents, who make an extraordinary sacrifice in placing their children for adoption.
——————————-
Maxine Chalker, MSW / LSW is the founder and executive director of Adoptions From The Heart, a non-denominational private adoption agency.
