Do you feel that you are too old to adopt a baby?
According to a recent study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 70% of all domestic adoptive parents are at least 35 years older than their adopted children. This means that most couples that choose domestic adoption started in their mid 30’s or older.
The study also showed that two of the biggest motivations for families to adopt were:
1. Inability to have a biological child.
2. Wanting to expand their family.
These motivations are the same no matter your age. When my wife and I started our domestic infant adoption process we were in our mid 30’s, and for our third adoption we were almost 45.
We had dealt with infertility for several years so our motivation was definitely due to our inability to have a biological child. We knew that as we got older it would be more and more difficult to start our family – especially by adopting a newborn. Still, our age was not going to keep us from our dream.
Do you have a dream to adopt, but have a fear that your age will hinder you? Let’s break down some of the problems or fears that can hold you back:
√ Your energy:
Obviously your energy level will be tested with a little one – especially if you want to adopt a newborn. They require a lot of attention while you get less sleep.
If you think you may not have the energy, get some perspective from someone who has adopted when they were close to your age. They are out there and you can find them in local adoption support groups or in Adoption Facebook Groups.
When we brought home our first newborn, my wife and I found out we had all the energy we needed. Now we’ve adopted 3 times! You may be surprised of how much energy you have when your dream comes true and you bring the little one home. Our little ones have inspired us to stay healthy to keep our energy level up.
√ Support:
When you’re older and starting or adding to your family you may not have the support from friends and family. Some people may scoff at the idea that you want to be parents at an older age. This is something you can and should prepare for.
Your local adoption support group will help you. Even if there isn’t a group established – you can start one. There is help to get started, and you will find other adoptive families in your area to help support you.
√ Competition:
As you get started in the adoption process you’ll realize that you have “competition” or other couples that want to adopt. This may seem like you are starting from behind since there are younger couples out there that a birthmother may think is a better match.
The fact is that birthmothers have many different reasons for choosing couples. Some want to match with older couples because they can be more financially stable, more mature, etc. Birthmothers may simply like who you are and won’t care about your age.
Consider talking with an adoption consultant about how you can adopt a baby, no matter your age. They can help you work with multiple adoption agencies all over the U.S.
If you haven’t decided to start the adoption process yet because you think you are too old, I want to encourage you to consider it.
This is one of the biggest decisions of your life so you owe it to yourself to research, talk to adoption professionals (agencies, attorneys, facilitators), and talk with others who have already adopted.
It can be really powerful to hear the stories from those who have already done what you are attempting to do.
No matter where you are in the adoption process, if you have the dream to adopt, you can do it – so don’t let your age be an obstacle.
