Fifty years ago there were only closed adoptions – those where the state would seal the adoption records and the birthmother would have no contact with the baby. Adoptive families would be told not to tell their children they were adopted.
The history of open and closed adoption is interesting in how society has moved towards open adoption, which is what most adoptions are today. There are still some closed adoptions, but these happen by the choice of the birthmother.
Open adoption is where adoptive parents and birthparents share information, stay in contact with each other, and have an open channel of communication. Birthparents will still sign a consent form to terminate parental rights, but open adoption allows for some form of future contact with the adoptive family.
Open adoption can have many different forms:
→sending letters, photos, and videos to the birthmother.
→inviting the birthmother to various family get togethers such as birthday parties, holidays, etc.
→visiting the birthmother one or more times during the year.
→make regular phone calls, emails, text messages, facebook updates to the birthmother.
Most adoption professionals want you to be as open as you can be because this will help you match with a birthmother – remember she wants to know that there are options to some future contact.
Open adoption is often a scary term for first time adoptive parents. This is because it is often misunderstood.
You may be concerned that if you have an open adoption, the birthmother may want to take back the baby or there is some form of “co-parenting” going on. This is far from the truth. Birthmoms simply want to know that they made the right choice in the adoptive family.
At first you may be worried about how much contact (if any) that you may want with birthparents. The truth is – they may not have a clear idea of how much contact they want either.
There are several great articles about open adoption. There are even more great open adoption articles over at ChildWelfare.gov.
When my wife and I first heard about open adoption, we were concerned about having an ongoing relationship with a birthmom. We were unsure if we wanted a lot of contact because it was hard to know what that looks like or how it would work.
Thankfully we were educated by our adoption professional on the benefits of open adoption. We learned that having an ongoing relationship allows us to know more about her and lets her know that she made the right decision.
Here are some things I’ve learned about open adoption (after two newborn adoptions):
→More often than not, a birthmom simply wants to know that there are options to stay connected, to know they’ve made the right decision, and to know their baby is well taken care of.
→Staying in contact with our kid’s birthmother (in any form) is better than never hearing from her. If she contacts us we can find out how she is doing. We also can learn more about her so we can know more about our daughter – medical history, family history, etc.
→Sending letters, pictures, videos, and gifts are good for us and our children’s birthparents. They get to see our kid’s lives in various ways so they can feel good about their decision. And by doing these things, we have our kid’s life events very well documented. It also feels good letting the birthparents know how great our kids are doing.
→Having open communication with birthparents will help us tell our kids about their birthparents and their adoption story. There is never secrecy about their adoptions – we begin telling them about their story at an early age.
So, wherever you are in your adoption journey, I hope that you consider how important open adoption is for the birthparents – for you – and especially for your child.
Be sure to read more about open adoption, so you can understand it more and erase any fears you may have.
Check out this great adoption book Adoption: Choosing It, Living It, Loving It; Straight Answers to Hearfelt Questions
What do you think about open adoption? Send me an email or post your comments below – I’d love to hear from you!
