What is one of the biggest fears you can face when going through the domestic infant adoption process?
Is it having to go through the long waiting time – never knowing if you will actually get to adopt? Or maybe you simply cannot come up with the funds needed to adopt? 
There is a lot that goes into the domestic infant adoption process, so it is natural for some fears to set in. I believe one of the biggest fears is when an expectant mother changes her mind about her adoption plan.
Why is this the biggest fear?
Why are we fearful about a birthmother changing her mind? Well, many of us that choose adoption are lead to it from infertility and struggles to have the family of our dreams.
Many times, we go years of waiting and wondering if we will ever become parents. We ride the extreme roller coaster of infertility before we decide that adoption is how we will build our family.
The last thing any of us want is to get so close to adopting only to have a prospective birthmom change her mind – especially if the baby has already been placed with us.
How is it possible?
When an expectant mother decides to parent before placement, it is called a failed match. When she changes her mind after placement, it is known as a reclaim.
Each state has its own set of adoption laws, however all of them agree that a birthmother must wait until after the baby is born to relinquish her parental rights by signing consent forms.
There are differences in how much time each state allows a prospective birthmom to change her mind after the signing. For example, California allows 30 days while North Carolina allows only 7 days.
There are several states where there is no time for her to change her mind after the consent forms are signed unless there is proof of fraud or duress.
This adoption law chart shows more detailed information for all states. Be sure to check with your adoption attorney to get the most up to date information. While your attorney will help you, it is good to be aware of the reclaim laws.
Minimizing the risk
So how can you minimize the chances of this happening to you? There are a number of things that can help:
1. Choose an adoption professional that will effectively screen prospective birthmothers.
This will help reduce potential adoption scams as well as match you with an expectant mother who is committed to her adoption plan.
There are no guarantees that an expectant mom will follow through with the adoption 100% of the time, but your agency can help minimize the risk.
2. Make sure you have a good adoption attorney.
There are some family attorneys that may occasionally work on adoptions, but you should work with one that deals with adoptions 100% of the time.
Check the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys at www.adoptionattorneys.org. A good attorney can help minimize the risk by using their experience to warn you about any red flags that the birthmother may change her mind and choose to parent.
3. Select an adoption professional that provides birthmother counseling.
This goes along with proper screening. Ongoing professional counseling will help the expectant mother know if she is committed to the adoption plan or if parenting is the better option for her. The risk of a reclaim goes down dramatically when you have a professional provide counseling.
The reclaim rate stated by adoption professionals can vary from 5% to 20%. The good news is that reclaims don’t happen very often. For example, if the reclaim rate is 7% that means that 93% of the time prospective birthmothers will not change their mind.
When researching which professional to use, ask them about their reclaim rate. You should be able to find one that has rates in the single digits.
Even though reclaims and failed matches do happen in domestic infant adoption, don’t let it scare you away from your dream of becoming parents. Many others have gone through these and still became parents through adoption – and you can too.
What to you think? Is this a big fear for you? What are other fears you may have? Please leave a comment below.
